Thursday, July 12, 2007


...Ok so a few people are actually feeling bad for ole Tomcat. And I think someone even made that comment that I have issues with men. Well please don't fell bad for Tomcat. I am not naive when it comes to the ways of man, nor am I foolish enough to believe that just because a guy says his intentions are true does not mean he is telling the truth. Men, like any other animal, haVE learned to adapt to their environment. If blowing smoke up some girl's ass about how he has searched endlessly for "the one" to no avail and how he is ready to give up on love, gets him laid, then more power to him. I put the fault on the woman for falling for it. I really do not believe that anyone, male or female can claim to be ignorant when it comes to the ways of the opposite sex and their mating rituals.

Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil, Oprah, MTV, Bravo and the E Network have provided more than enough educational shows on these practices. We are living in a world filled with programs that show us the true side of dating. Women have known for years how men really are. That a man's main concern is sex and that just because he sleeps with you the first night you meet does not mean he wants a damn relationship. But for some reason women continue to delude themselves into thinking that because they are so gosh darn unique that he will see this and realize he can't get you out of his head. ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!! If you went home with him the first night you are most likely never going to hear from him again UNLESS he wants to get laid. And even then it will probably only be because he couldn't get it from a new piece.

Now don't get me wrong. I have a lot of respect for men and their prowess. As educated as women are these days these guys continue to get you into bed and then break your hearts. That is a pretty impressive thing to me that they can keep fooling women. And I am not saying that every man is like this. There are good guys out there, but if he is trying to get you in bed the first time he meets you, its a pretty safe bet that he is not one of the good guys.

My explanation is this. I love men. I love playing the flirting game with them. I love seeing the high they get off of thinking they have netted another one. And I love knowing that I know the truth and that I am not falling for it. Men are incredibly fun to be around if you can relax and stop trying to size up whether they are marriage material or not. I knew what Tomcat was up to.

However, if you are going to play their game ladies you better be able to play rough and hard. No soft hearts allowed. We get tired of picking up the pieces and drying the tears!

The Fun of a Good Flirt....Part 3

…”Standard Eight then”, he asks as he begins the pointless search for a good house cue.

“Sure. You can use my cue if ya want. None of those are worth a damn.” I hand tomcat my cue and drop three quarters into the table’s coin slots. “I’ll rack you break?”

Tomcat is still standing behind me as I bend over to retrieve the balls from the drop box and begin to set them into the frame. I can feel his eyes coveting my body as I repeatedly bend over. I look behind me under my right arm. “Whatcha lookin at?”

“Just making sure you know what you’re doin. Nice rack by the way.”

I smile and pull the frame away. “Your break Tomcat.”

“Why do you keep calling me that? My name is…”

“Don’t really care what your name is.” I smile sweetly so as not to offend him by my disinterest.

“Can I ask yours at least?”

“You can ask but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna tell ya.”

“It Jo,” a voice rings out from my group of friends. Betrayed by my own. Damn it! I scowl openly at the group. They must have some serious money riding on Tomcat.

“Jo huh? Well nice to meet you I’m Scott”, he offers me his hand. I shake it looking into his eyes, smiling.

“Your break Tomcat,” I repeat and he grins. He walks around the table and bends over to break as I stand at the opposite end of the table, hands on the rail, leaning over just enough to where he can see slightly down my shirt and the devilish little smile playing on my lips.

“JO,” Sheri yells on her way over to the table. “What are you doing girl? You know league starts in 5 minutes. Come on I’ll give ya your money back.” I shrug at Tomcat and follow Sheri back to the bar where she hands me my seventy five cents and a shot of Jack.

Tomcat sets my cue down and starts to make his way over to me but is cut off by Youngblood who is returning from the bathroom. “So you gonna tell me your name yet,” he asks.

“Her name is Jo,” says a voice from behind him. Tomcat is not stepping back this time and sidesteps his friend to stand beside me.

“Hey Scott,” Youngblood sighs. “I saw you two settin up for a game. Is it over already?”

I glance up at Tomcat. “Not quite yet Youngblood.” A puzzled look crosses his face.

“What’d you call me?”

“Youngblood,” I state simply.

Tomcat waves a dismissive hand at his young friend. “Don’t ask.”

“So can I buy you another drink,” Youngblood asks as he moves just a bit closer. I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic trapped between these two. He places his hand on my arm as he attempts to turn me back towards the bar.

“No thanks. Switched to coffee a little while ago. Why don’t ya buy one for Tomcat here,” I ask as I signal back over my shoulder.

“He can buy his own,” he scowls. I shrug and head back over to my table. Tomcat and Youngblood seem to be having a rather heated discussion back at the bar and I smile sinfully at my girls. It will be time to go soon so I must make my final play shortly.

“Tomcat,” I yell across the room as I wave him over. I step away from the group as he walks up to me.

“You called,” he says with a playful smile.

“I have to get going soon so I just wanted to say thanks for hangin out.”

“So should we hang out again sometime,” he asks hopefully.

“Well obviously I am here a lot. So you know where to find me.”

“Can I get your number? Maybe we could go out sometime?”

“I don’t think so.” My coldness is coming through now and he starts to get curious.

“Come on. I think we would have a great time. I am really into you.”

I laugh. “Yeah cause you know so much about me right?”

“That’s the point of getting your number.” He walks over to the bar and asks Sheri for a pen as he grabs a napkin. He hands them to me. “You know you want to give it to me.”

And that my friends were the words that lost him the game. “Ok sure.” I take the napkin and write down my number. “Call me later tonight k?” I give him a brief hug and return one last time to my table to say my farewells.


Tomcat dials: 623-555-1234

In deep announcer voice:

You have reached the rejection line. Obviously the person who gave you this number did not want you to have their real number. This does not in any way mean that you should try to contact this person again. THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED!! If you see them, walk away. Do not try and talk to them, do not bring up this message and for christ’s sake stop buying them drinks.

Thank you for calling….have a nice day.


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Fun of a Good Flirt....Part 2

For a moment I am stunned but then I look at my girlfriends and we erupt in laughter and high-fives. The men in our group roll their eyes and throw back their heads. We all grab our drinks and yell a thank you to the newbie table as we raise our glasses in salute. I watch to see Tomcat's reaction to his alley mates generosity. He looks puzzled for a moment until his blonde comrade raises his drink in return. A wave of clarity rushes over him as he realizes that his friend is vying for my attention.

The game is truly on now as a man thrives on competition. I grin at my girlfriends, grab my drink and a smoke and head back over to see my old friend the jukebox.

“What would ya like to hear,” Tomcat asks as he slides up beside me.

“I am in to just about anything”, I tease. I slide my dollar bill into the slot and scan through the various artists. “What are you fond of?”

“Right now I would have to say that is you.” I look at him out of the corner of my eye a slight smile crossing my lips.

“Like I haven’t heard THAT before.” I make my selection, AC/DC Hells Bells and turn to resume my game of pool. Tomcat is not quite ready to let me escape again. He grabs my hand gently pulling me back.

“You come here often”, he asks sarcastically.

“I pull my hand from his slowly, “Nope. Never been here before in my life. I don’t even know those people”, I say pointing to my group of friends who are unabashedly watching us. “They just looked like a fun group to hang out with.”

He waves at the spectators and smiles down at me, “You could always sit with me.”

“Or your friend,” I tease.

He glances over at his younger pal. “Yeah well he likes to try and impress with his bank account since he doesn’t have any real charm to offer.”

“Ouch! Is someone a little bitter”, I ask.

“Uh that would be a no”, he says chuckling. “I have plenty. I just don’t need to flaunt it.”

Bouncing on the balls of my feet I make a quick dash back to my table. “Gotta get back to my game.”

As Tomcat makes his way back to the newbie table I note that his blonde friend is at the bar. He turns holding a shot of Jack up in my direction and throws his head back slightly to silently call me over. I take my shot, missed, grab a smoke and head to the bar. I sidle up next to Youngblood and take my drink. “Thanks. Cheers’, as I clink my glass against his beer.

“So what’s your name”, he asks taking a sip of beer and eyeing my tits.

I laugh to myself. “I don’t think that is really what you want to know is it.”

Raising his eyes from my tits he looks at me confused. “What’d ya mean?”

“Well I think your real question is “Are you gonna sleep with me tonight?”. That’s what you really want to know isn’t it?” He sputters a little of his beer down his chin wiping at it with is hand.

“Um…no. I mean don’t get me wrong. You’re hot but maybe I want to get to know you too.”

This time I can’t keep my laughter silent. “Right and I was born yesterday and I’m still a virgin at the age of 32. Thanks for the drink…again.” I walk back over to my table, smiling at Tomcat as I pass. My friends are rolling with laughter. They get a kick out of watching me work. This is a favorite pastime of mine and they have come to view it as a spectator sport.

I have a pretty good buzz at this point. Time to switch up what I am drinking. “Sheri! Can I get a coffee sweets?” Sheri nods and delivers a fresh cup of coffee to me. Tomcat’s courage seems to have been found in the bottom of his last bottle. He walks over, smack dab in the middle of my group of friends and grabs my cue.

“How about a game”, he asks staring directly into my eyes.

I am a little intrigued by his bravery. No one has ever ventured into my territory when it is inhabited by so many of my friends. I look around and notice the looks on my friend’s faces. A few are shocked but most are trying not to laugh. They know I have been caught off guard. I quickly regain my composure and pull my cue back towards me. “What’d ya have in mind,” I purr.

“Well we could play doubles with some of your friends or we could go head to head…mano e mano. If you think you could handle it.”

I glance over at my friends who shrug and wave me off to battle on my own. “Guess its just you and me Tomcat. Let the games begin.”

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Fun of a Good Flirt....Part 1

...I sit at the local waterin hole, perched on a bar stool, lazily stirring my whiskey sour. Barely lifting my head from admiring the way the dark brown whiskey blends perfectly with the mellow yellow of the sour mixer, my eyes scan the room. The ususals are here...the dead heads as we call the old cronies who inhabit this spot. Always complaining that the music is too loud or the drinks are too strong, they set a tone that if not raged against would kill any fun at all. My hopeful eyes make a full 360 of the room with nothing to appreciate for it. I return to my drink hoping for some excitement before the time to return home arrives.

As I near the bottom of my glass and contemplate whether or not to order another the distinct sound of the upstairs door opening visits my ears. I hear voices I don't recognize and I anxiously turn to see who will bound down the stairs. To my delight it is a group of men and women who look as if they are in desperate need of post work refreshment. The bartender barks a demand for ID's as I discreetly observe the group. They're not in couples. There are two girls and four guys. Hands around the waist and soft kisses tell me who is with whom and who is left to play with.

I appears I have two options. The first looks to be in his mid twenties. His soft blue eyes are already staring intently at the tattoo on my lower back that peaks out when I lean over to take a pull off of my drink. I turn my head slightly. He bashfully smiles and runs his fingers through his short blonde hair. I turn back to my drink. I'm not big on blondes.

The newbies seat themselves in the corner closest to the bar, much to the dismay of the dead heads, and begin to boisterously recount their workday. I did not get a good look at my second choice yet so I wave the bartender over and request $5 in ones for the jukebox. As I walk over I glance over at the table. The second option is much more to my taste. Late thirties, dark hair, nice build. I can’t see his face fully yet so I walk over to the jukebox returning a smile from one of the young ladies with the group. This is odd behavior to me. Usually the girls are givin me the stink eye. I cozy up to the jukebox, an old friend of mine, and begin my selections. Some Hinder, Aerosmith, Carrie Underwood and Rob Zombie should do the trick.

As I turn to head back to my seat I bump squarely into option number two, who has decided that he wants to make some selections. I raise my eyes from his chest to his face, admiring his deep brown eyes and smile slightly, placing a hand softly against his chest as I move past.

“Excuse me”, I mutter as I move away and return to my seat. He is very handsome and none of the “Aw shucks” bullshit that the younger one has. I glance back once in route to my barstool and he smiles directly into my eyes. He is confident. That is a major turn on. I smile back, sit down and order another drink.

The bar begins to fill up slowly. My usual group of friends arrives and we begin our slow descent into licentiousness. The drinks flow freely and are consumed just as quickly. We have moved from the bar to a table conveniently located directly across from option number two’s line of sight.

The coyness of sobriety is wearing off as the drinks are settling in and my actions are filled with a little more bravado. I bravely examine the occupants of the newbie’s table hoping to catch the eye of option number two. My friends have noticed the object of my attention and the men in our group start with their jibes about the fate of this poor guy. Our uproarious laughter draws the attention of the newbie table and I am allowed a brief moment of enticing eye contact with option number two. In that brief tick where our eyes meet my coquettish facade is replaced by a more brazen, are you man enough demeanor.

He reacts exactly as I predict he will. A challenge has been set before him and like any man he cannot resist a battle he is sure he will win. Little does he know that the female he is now viewing as prey has taken down men wiser, stronger and more confident than he. Like a sassy little kitty cat I walk by him on the way to the pool table, swishing my back end to get the Tomcat’s attention.

Keeping my awareness strictly on the game at hand I avoid any further glances in his direction for the time being. He however cannot take his eyes off of my form that is now fully bent over the pool table in an attempt to make a very long shot. Nine ball, corner pocket! I walk over to my table to light a smoke and slam down some Jack before I plan my next move both in the pool game and in the game between Tomcat and I.

I step up to the bar to order another drink. I feel his presence before I see him, standing behind me, calculating his next move. The bartender’s eyes confirm my gut feeling as she glances over my head and then into my eyes with that “You got him” smile.

“Ya gonna buy me a drink or what”, I say without turning. The bartender, Sheri, receives her nod of approval from him but I spin abruptly, leaning against the bar on my elbows. “No I think I changed my mind. This one is on me Sheri,” I tell her. “Whatch ya drinkin Tomcat?”

He smiles and shakes his head in resignation. “I’ll have a Bud, but I’d like to buy these.”

“I can appreciate that fact Tomcat but I don’t like feelin like I owe anybody, especially someone I don’t know. So this ones on me”, I nod to Sheri “and you can perhaps get the next one”. I hand him his Bud, grab my drink, smile and walk back to the pool tables.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him walk back to the newbie table where his friends instantly lean in to get the news of his adventure into my territory. Pleasantly I notice that he is not full of the usual swagger and boasting that most guys would be. He shrugs, shows the beer and they all look in my direction. I smile as he holds up his beer in toast to me and I silently raise my own drink.

Several more strategically planned shots into my game Sheri the bartender comes over with drinks for me and my friends. I smile knowingly and Sheri corrects my incorrect assumption. “They’re from the blonde guy.”

To be continued....