Friday, January 23, 2009

Back to Bartending

Greetings fellow bloggers. It is Friday and I was to have my first Friday off in over two months. Unfortunately I was just called in to work the night shift. I have not written in quite some time (holidays ya know) and I should update everyone.

As seen in my previous entry I was a waitress the last time I wrote. But as of two months ago I climbed up a few rungs on the hospitality ladder and advanced to the coveted position of bartender. I have not bartended in years and was not up to date on the newest drinks. Piece of Ass, Orgasms, Screaming Orgasms, Purple Penis, Pink Pussy and Sex with an Alligator are just a few of the ridiculous drinks I have been asked to make by adolescent alcohol consumers. Is it just me or are bar patrons desperately infatuated with sex?

Now don't get me is my job to concoct whatever beverage a customer would like but there is a new problem arising for bartenders now that everyone believes they are Colin Field (world's most famous bartender), creating drinks that taste more like candy than a true cocktail. Instead of being able to just make a Pink Pussy you must now ask your customer WHICH recipe they would like you to make because there are 5 different versions and if you don't make the one they are expecting they will inevitably send it back saying it doesn't taste right.

Consumers these days don't drink to experience the true flavors that delight your senses when you sip a glass of Evan Williams 23 Year Old Bourbon (averages $350 a bottle). They can't detect the differences between a $5.00 martini and one made with Bombay Sapphire. They drink to get drunk and they want to do it for as little money as possible. Sure we get the guy who comes in and orders a shot of Johnnie Walker Green Label ($30 a shot) but after that first shot, which he slams down not bothering to savor the flavors, he always switches to well whiskey (otherwise known as "rotgut") when his buddies aren't looking and gives me the "wink", whispering that he'll make sure and take care of me if I help keep up his illusion.

I have tried time and time again to bring back the classics: Old Fashion, Golden Cadillac, Gimlet, Sidecar and Harvey Wallbanger. But the kids these days will not have it. One sip of those true taste adventures and their noses wrinkle, tongue comes out and they act as if I just fed them antifreeze. "Ugh! All I taste is alcohol in that", they whine. Isn't that the point? I always thought it was.