Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Good Burn

A new story I am working on.....tell me what ya think....

Cali cringed as she watched the milk Jason had brought into the bedroom almost spill as he set it on the bedside table. How many times had she asked him not to eat or drink in bed? Her new bed set had cost over $300 and the thought of taking it in to have a milk spill removed made her angry beyond belief. He plopped down on the bed with his peanut butter sandwich and smiled at her with a smear of jam on the corner of his mouth. It wasn’t cute like it had been two years ago. Now it just made her want to wipe his mouth off and tell him to grow up. The smacking sounds that came from his mouth as he tried to pry the peanut butter off the roof of his mouth with his tongue made her nauseous. She rolled her eyes as he scanned through the channels to Sports Center. A deep sigh and her back turned suddenly to him was her way of telling him to take it all to the living room and let her sleep. But as usual he didn’t take the hint and in fact turned the TV up so he could hear the recount of the Suns losing their asses again even louder.

“They’re never going to win the playoffs. Hell they won’t even make it in this year,” she said, her back still to him. She could almost feel the anger her words provoked in him.

“Why can’t you just let me have this one thing? I love this team. Always have and I always will. That’s the point of being a real fan. You love them through the good and the bad.”

“I’m just saying”, she growled, her back still to him, “They never win. Why have faith in a team that takes you right to the edge and then lets you down every year?”

“Ya know ya could just tell me to go out in the living room Cali. You don’t have to pick a fight every time.”

She rolled over and glared at him. “I am not picking a fight Jason but Jesus Christ I do have to work at 4:30 in the morning! It would be nice to be able to go to bed without this stupid shit blaring in my ears”, she spat pointing at the commentators on TV.

“Whatever Cali. I don’t think you even like me anymore.” He grabbed his milk and his sandwich and started towards the living room. “By the way,” he turned looking at her, “The dog threw up on the bed today. I cleaned up what I could but if you notice a funny smell I didn’t have time to take your shit to the dry cleaners.” With that he walked into the living room, slamming the bedroom door for effect and leaving her in the dark wondering if that was what she had been smelling.

Cali woke up the next morning with a feeling of freedom. She lay in bed for awhile, wondering why she felt the way she did. Just as she was about to get up and head for the shower the bedroom door opened and Jason walked in headed straight for the bathroom.

“Can I ask you a question,” she asked tentatively.

Jason eyes went straight to the floor. “You can ask me anything. You know that.”

“Do you get the feeling we are about to break up,” she asked nonchalantly.

Cali could almost see the weight come off Jason’s shoulders as he looked directly at her. “Yes,” he said loud and clear.

They both called into work that morning and spent the day on the bed they had made love on countless times over the last two and a half years. They talked about their hopes and dreams for the future and playfully squabbled over who got what in the house. It was the most fun she had had with him in months and it almost made her rethink the decision to break up, but in the end she knew it was what should have happened years ago but neither of them had been brave enough to confront the other. They had come to rely on each other and both felt that the other relied on them. Their love for each other was real and true but it was not a love that lives were built on. More like a love that friendships were made of.

They decided that Cali would keep the house and Jason would find an apartment. By the end of the month, which was only two weeks away, he would have all his stuff out. Watching Jason box up his things and take them away one by one was not as joyful as that day on the bed. She cried every time he left the house with a car full of boxes. Images of him coming home, smelling like grease, and throwing himself on top of her as she squealed, begging him to take a shower would flood her mind. How he would come out of the shower in nothing but a towel and sit on the end of the bed, demanding that she present her feet for a foot rub, how he would tickle her back as she drifted off to sleep and how he would always ask if she needed anything before he climbed into bed himself. All of these things haunted her as she watched him drive his things away.

When the day came where he would not be returning for another load she sat on the bed, trying to hide her tears and telling herself not to make it harder for them by begging him not to go. He walked into the bedroom they had shared for years, looking around at anything but her.
“I think that’s it,” he said.

“Did you get all of your holey socks, “ she asked trying to hide the hurt and fear that were quickly surfacing.

Jason looked at her curled up on the side of the bed and fought the urge to wrap her in his arms and tell her that everything would be alright. She had to learn to trust her own abilities to make it on her own. “I left one pair for you,” he joked. “Thought you might need them when you forget to wash yours.”

Cali tried to laugh. She knew that he needed to see her smile or he would never be able to walk out, but the smile just wouldn’t come. Her heart was breaking. She was terrified that she was losing the best man she would ever have and all because she wasn’t enough for him to love. After two and half years he still wouldn’t even talk about marriage. At first she had thought it funny. Typical male. Fear of commitment. But after two years she had started to resent the fact that she had absolutely no doubt that she would spend the rest of her life with him and that he could not even bring himself to talk about it. Her self confidence was being eaten away by the fact that the man she loved more than anything did not seem to share those same devout feelings. That he would get angry at the mere mention of marriage.

Cali felt the bed sink below Jason’s weight as he sat down beside her. She still could not bring herself to look at him. “Why couldn’t I be enough,” she whimpered as the tears began to fall violently.

Jason wrapped her in his arms, holding her close to his chest. “You were always enough Cal. I am the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

She let out a tiny laugh into his chest. “You are so full of shit and you know it.”

He pulled her face up by her chin to look him in the eye. “You know I love you Cal and I know you love me. I can’t imagine not coming home to you, but if I am honest with you and me I have to say that I can’t imagine coming home to you every night for the rest of my life.” Cali pulled her face away from him, her face twisting with hurt. “Cali,” he said gently grabbing her chin again and raising her face to his, “Can you really say that if another year from now I still am not ready for marriage that you won’t hate me?”

Cali pulled her face away from his hand again, moving her body slightly away from his. “I could never hate you. I just don’t understand why I’m not enough.” She couldn’t believe the hurt and anger that was welling up inside her at the realization that he was really leaving. She wanted to punch him and slap him and tell him she hated him for not loving her enough, but the simple truth was she wanted him to be happy and all the anger in the world could not overcome that.

Monday, May 19, 2008

My Landscaping Company

Hello again friends....I thought I would take the time to introduce all of you to some of the awesone people who work for me. From left to right....Kyle (my work husband), me, my partner John, Lupe, Herrold (my ex-husband), Jillian (my best friend), Marc, Sugar and Todd. I have been so fortunate over the last 6 months with the people that have came into my life. Some of them may look like ex-convicts but they are the hardest workers I know and I am proud to say I work with them.
On a seperate note....I am single now. Kevin and I have called it quits after 2 1/2 years. It was a good break up. We have ridden the "opposites attract" thing as far as we can and decided to get out before we hated each other.
So anybody know any hot, single men?
Love to you all.....